Hey, I thought of something.

I'm sure the whole thing is more complicated than I can fathom, but I thought of something that applies.
The very best and strongest reason to love everyone is because of the healing that it enables.
We humans may tend to hold off and give love and forgiveness and compassion only when and to whom we feel It is deserved. But the healing power of love will not be fully unleashed if we hold it back from those who need it the most. Seriously, there are mysteries here more than what we humans can fully process. Love has the power to transform and we have the power to unleash this transformation, this transformative love.
It's like inertia, we set in motion our thoughts and feelings of love, compassion and forgiveness. We set these thoughts and feelings in motion and they go out into the universe and have a life all their own. There's a ripple effect. And it costs us almost nothing and does so much to make the world a better place.
The reason that I say it costs almost nothing is because we do have to go deep inside ourselves and let go of any hate, grudge or resentment or fears. We do have to let go of anything that may prevent love from flowing. But though we might think that these grudges and fears are important parts of ourselves that kind of thinking is not healthy. Because that grudge or hate or resentment etc that we may feel for that one person or that group of people, whatever, those negative feelings are holding us back from having all of the love and forgiveness and compassion that we could be benefiting from. Also fear. If we sent love, forgiveness and compassion out to all of these places and even said nothing out loud to anyone but only experienced it inwardly, privately, it would still have a ripple effect that could transform the world. And a transformed world, a world without hate and fear, is something that I believe is worth all of the effort.

Lately I  feel so good to when I am outside
that I just want to be outside as much as possible.
Sitting outside to eat my meals, painting or working with clay outside, preferably for many many hours.
It's as if the outdoors has something to say to me, and it's language is time.
There is no better place to do my meditations than outside.
All visiting with family and friends feels most safe and satisfying outside in the open air. 

I'm finding it very healthy to hear as much bird song as possible.
And the breeze seems to have a message for me,
I'm not sure the language and so I feel the need to immerse myself in order to learn it.
The sunshine and the clouds as well, each seem to have enthusiasm for sharing some nugget of wisdom.
And the blue of the sky has secrets to share if I can listen deeply,
as do the white of the clouds and the green of the grass and the leaves everywhere...

The whole world is erupting in slow motion into Springtime,

I would love to stick around and learn what all it has to say.

Song of the frog,

dance of the butterfly,

Spring, you speak in so many elegant languages!

Check out the super cool easel that Timothy bought for me!
I had only to mention that I needed one and he found it on craigslist for a super reasonable price. I'm so happy with it, I can't wait to use it! 

It has always been difficult to separate my desire to create art from my need to earn money. Recently I have been feeling that a weight has been lifted. I am feeling free of some inner obstacles that have always been present. I'm beginning to separate myself from the notion of creating things that I might be able to sell. I'm seeing an image now of what that would be like and some of the possibilities of what I might create. I had an aha moment and suddenly I feel an urge to create the art that I want the way that I want. Right now it seems more possible than ever before.

Art to please myself!

Ideally I should have time, three or six months or even a year to figure out and explore with no strings attached, the wide world of art on my own terms. How luxurious it would be to create freely with no obligation, no need to make something that will sell. What a healthy thought! I would love to be allowed the opportunity to try 20 different things that don't quite work and still not be disappointed.  With a need for money no longer in the equation, I could dive in with a childlike wonder and respect and likely acquire a mastery of technique in the process!

I had this thought last week and said out loud to Timothy. He said enthusiastically that I could have one month. I said okay though in my mind I know that I will take more.

Hi there!

I'm still trying to figure it all out.

I do have something that I feel is a huge asset for an artist. And that's that I know how to listen and make people happy. In this world of self-absorption that really is something unusual, that a person would stop and go out of their way to do what it takes to make someone else happy.

Now I just have to turn it around, dig deep and create the art that will make me happy.

Okay, so I was just turned down for being accepted as a member of the Chatham County Arts Guild. I have to admit I'm a little disappointed but not surprised. They said that the six images that I sent with my application could have been done by six different artists. They wondered if I hadn't yet figured out my style as an artist. There are two different ways that I can look at this.
1.  As an illustrator, I really do have to 'shapeshift' in order to do each assignment. Because each assignment has been commissioned by a different person with different vision and I have to stretch myself to bring it to fruition to fit the person's vision, their budget and my ability. I am committed to doing all of this even though it's kind of new to me and it's just too soon in my career as an artist or illustrator for my work to show any consistency. 

2.  Perhaps they hit the nail on the head, and it's true that as an artist I haven't yet discovered my style, my 'niche'. I am all over the place with my efforts to figure out what medium and what subject I want to pursue and it shows.

Also, I've just finished a 27-year career as a hair stylist that meant really sinking my teeth into how to make each unique client happy. It's a new and different question to ask "what makes me happy" or "what kind of art do I want to create?" I have done lots of different art in many different directions but I still haven't done enough to know what it is in the art world that I'm hungry to explore very deeply. It's an entirely different way of thinking which I'm only beginning to learn.

Being turned down for this arts guild might be the best thing that could have happened to me. It really makes me think to process all of this and stretch myself in search of the answers.

It's very exciting!!!

Last year I planted flat leaf Italian parsley hoping that my plant would be chosen as a butterfly egg depository. Lucky me! One day I found a few caterpillars munching away at my parsley. Here is one of the newly hatched butterflies from last summer. I'm already making my plans for next year's butterfly garden. 🦋️

Sending out love and hugs today and every day.