Let's talk about this blog.
I feel and have always felt the need to keep a blog whether people read it or not. I have actually tried a few times to begin one but it never quite took. It's an intuitive thing for me. Like breathing. So it feels good when I do it. I don't know what I would do if someone ever read it! I mean, I suppose that's destined to happen sooner or later. And I hope so. But deep down, I am an introvert. I like to keep my feelings to myself.
Why blog then? Why am I blogging? I honestly don't know. And that might be the best answer, or even just a really good healthy answer. I have been drawn to blogging. Like I've been drawn to creating art. Like a duck in water. I will say though, for my whole life up until the past several years, I have battled depression. Some of it severe. It has taken me a lifetime to figure out several things that were really helpful for me to know. Like that I have attention deficit disorder, and that I struggle with anemia. An iron supplement works wonders for me (Thank you Obamacare!)! Sometimes I wonder if I may be on the Asperger's spectrum. Anyway, much of my life I struggled with things that seemed very ordinary and simple. And I struggled to understand why such simple things were so hard for me. I believed that if I could understand why I am the way I am that I could somehow 'fix' myself or heal myself. And so, most of my adult years I have spent some time journaling, in a search to understand and heal myself and also to act as a sort of mentor or guide for when I do go into deep depressions, so that things won't be quite so hopeless. It's as if I were leaving bread crumbs for myself, so that if things ever get really badly depressed again, perhaps if I pick up one of my old journals I can lead myself out. Now it turns out that I have stacks of these journals that are filled with advice to myself. About how to climb myself out of the deep hole of depression. Surely such knowledge can be a helpful thing in the world. Or at least to someone. Perhaps one of these tiny nuggets of wisdom will be discovered by someone who needs it. It's interesting to me that now that there is a pandemic and most normal people are experiencing some degree of depression, I remain buoyant.