I am sure that the Dalai Lama and all of his supporters are meditating on Peace. And that religious people of every description are too, meditating or praying for Peace on Earth, along with an endless number of unique not-so-religious people who are also visualizing or meditating on world Peace. So much of this is happening that all that stands in the way of this Peace is now coming forth in order to be seen and addressed and healed.
Remember "Love your enemies"? It is truly healthy to love our enemies. not to make fun of them. Even though they might appear ridiculous and easy targets for our sensibilities. Nothing good comes from it as we laugh at them. I wonder what kind of thought process would it take for us to see their lack of balance and poor mental health, and wish beautiful miraculous healing on them? What if such a thing was wished for? Prayed for? Visualized, affirmed or meditated upon?
This is how the Earth is to be healed. All this would take care of the whole itemized list of what's wrong with the world these days. So why not abandon our own hateful and judgmental attitudes and send out love and healing to each and every human being? No exceptions.
Let's talk about this blog.
I feel and have always felt the need to keep a blog whether people read it or not. I have actually tried a few times to begin one but it never quite took. It's an intuitive thing for me. Like breathing. So it feels good when I do it. I don't know what I would do if someone ever read it! I mean, I suppose that's destined to happen sooner or later. And I hope so. But deep down, I am an introvert. I like to keep my feelings to myself.
Why blog then? Why am I blogging? I honestly don't know. And that might be the best answer, or even just a really good healthy answer. I have been drawn to blogging. Like I've been drawn to creating art. Like a duck in water. I will say though, for my whole life up until the past several years, I have battled depression. Some of it severe. It has taken me a lifetime to figure out several things that were really helpful for me to know. Like that I have attention deficit disorder, and that I struggle with anemia. An iron supplement works wonders for me (Thank you Obamacare!)! Sometimes I wonder if I may be on the Asperger's spectrum. Anyway, much of my life I struggled with things that seemed very ordinary and simple. And I struggled to understand why such simple things were so hard for me. I believed that if I could understand why I am the way I am that I could somehow 'fix' myself or heal myself. And so, most of my adult years I have spent some time journaling, in a search to understand and heal myself and also to act as a sort of mentor or guide for when I do go into deep depressions, so that things won't be quite so hopeless. It's as if I were leaving bread crumbs for myself, so that if things ever get really badly depressed again, perhaps if I pick up one of my old journals I can lead myself out. Now it turns out that I have stacks of these journals that are filled with advice to myself. About how to climb myself out of the deep hole of depression. Surely such knowledge can be a helpful thing in the world. Or at least to someone. Perhaps one of these tiny nuggets of wisdom will be discovered by someone who needs it. It's interesting to me that now that there is a pandemic and most normal people are experiencing some degree of depression, I remain buoyant.
My wonderful husband Timothy asked me what I wanted for my birthday and usually I can't think of anything, but this time I thought of something I'd really really like. It sounds kind of odd for a present because it's not something you just run out and buy. What I would like this year more than anything is to have my studio space be redecorated and reorganized, nice and neat and tidy until it is an incredibly beautiful workspace that I can't wait to get into and start working everyday!
When I was at the Flow salon, I had the most beautiful space to work in. The walls, the furniture, the artwork, the little decorative touches here and there, made it all feel cozy and comfortable to be in. When I walked in the door every day I could feel my whole self go, "ahhh" (in the good way). Now I would like to create a space that feels that good again, only just for The purpose of creating art. I do have the space in my house, it's in a walkout basement. It has a great deal of potential. There are South facing windows and it is big enough to do fairly large paintings. The walls need a coat or two of paint. The windows need to have the trim added. My art supplies and finished paintings and drawings need to have organized, appropriate spaces. It's all doable stuff. That's what I want for my birthday.
Wish me good luck!
By the way,
How is an artist supposed to render the appearance of a flower out of paintbrush and paper?
Pen or paint?
And why do we aspire to do so - still?
Even now at this point in time,
Even at as it has been achieved by others, so many times,
With so much success?
Why do we continue to do this?
And why do we insist on doing this yet again?
I believe it is a practice.
A meditation, like breathing.
And it hurts no one and it makes me (the artist in this case) feel good when I get something right or even close to right.
It can be very satisfying, even when I get it wrong to think to myself, "here is where I went wrong this time, and now I look at it and I can understand, a way to have a more genuine result next time."
The world of nature speaks to us visually and artists aspire to share what it is saying.
Flowers have bloomed,
The same flowers mostly, for many hundreds if not thousands of generations,
And their message has not changed,
"I am here,
I have something to share,
the very being of my own uniqueness,
I have been saying it to each of your ancestors,
Some have stopped and listened,
Some have an understood,
What I have to say I say in playfulness and grace and Light,
You may see and feel it but you may not know it in words,
For there are no words for my message
Only a beingness that you and I share"
I try to capture the being of the flower,
In watercolor paint,
Brush and paper,
I try to capture it,
Successful or not,
I remain in awe.
Hi, here I was just trying to get it right. I mean, can I capture a carnation in watercolor? I tried it and I think that I can.
Since the pandemic began I have been aware that the nature of my job puts me very close to people and that's exactly what we are trying to avoid. I feel strongly that I don't want to contribute to the spread of the Covid 19, knowingly or not. I do not wish to get it from anyone and the more people I see the higher my chances are of getting it, and I do not wish to share it with anyone. These possibilities are unthinkable to me. After all, I am not an essential worker. It's true that this change is counter-intuitive when it comes to my own finances but I am just not comfortable working same as usual. what I feel good about is staying home, ordering my groceries online and seeing as few people as humanly possible.
I have loved my job as a hair stylist. It has been a truly beautiful thing, to work with and to get to know so many amazing people. To make people happy with their own appearance. To watch as friendships form and continue every few weeks over the course of years. I have loved my job. I have loved being appreciated for who I am and what I do and I have loved the friendships. I truly hope that we can continue to be friends.
An artist is what I always wanted to be since childhood. After high school I chose to study graphic arts and got an associate's degree in illustration. I did this because I didn't understand how a person was to earn a living as a fine artist. All my life I had heard about how artists are starving and I knew that I needed to make money to earn my way, starving was not an option for me. I had to learn a kind of art that involved having a job. And so it made sense that I would study graphic arts, and through graphic arts I discovered illustration. This was the reasoning of my young adult self. I knew all along that I preferred fine arts and intended to pursue the fine arts after acquiring my associate's degree. But then, as soon as I graduated art school I gave birth to my son and my life took a very different direction.
First I stayed home with him. I made it work at the time by running a small home daycare. He was three and a half when I began looking for work in my field of study, graphic arts and illustration. The jobs were few and far between and the only ones available were entry level which meant very little pay, not enough to support myself and pay for childcare. I realized I had to do something for money and I didn't know what. So I got the book, What Color is Your Parachute and I began doing the exercises in the book to help me figure out what kind of job would be a good fit for me. The book helped me to look inward and figure out that I should be either a clinical psychologist or a hair stylist. So the choice was to go back to school for 2 years or 9. I went to beauty school and was surprised to discover how much I loved it! I had a beautiful career as a hair stylist for 27 years. And during those years I dabbled in arts on the side, always wishing to return to it.
My heart has always been telling me to create art and to be an artist.
Why am I choosing to make such a sudden and drastic change from having a successful hair stylist to beginning a whole new career in art?
I can talk about the plantar fasciitis and the hot flashes, but that would be boring. It is worth noting though, that I just don't have the physical stamina that I've enjoyed all these years.
Quite honestly, I have concerns and fears about getting the Corona virus myself, knowingly or not, and sharing it with my family or else among my clients, either is unacceptable. Even the thought of it gives me anxiety and under these conditions I no longer love my job. In fact, these conditions make it almost intolerable. I can no longer enjoy the company of my clients knowing that with every moment of exposure I could be putting them in danger.
I have a gut feeling that it just doesn't feel right anymore and it's time to move on.
What did I learn in 27 years as a hair stylist?
I learned how to listen more deeply than the words, to what people want for their hair, and follow through to the best of my ability with giving them just that,
I learned how to put my own ego on a shelf, set it aside completely for a moment and listen very deeply,
I learned how to understand and know and appreciate the uniqueness of each person,
and how to see and love each person for their own beautiful uniqueness,
I learned what it is like to take part in some really amazing conversations,
Also, I learned that the world is abundantly filled with unique and insanely beautiful individuals,
I learned that people need to be listened to and seen and understood deeply and appreciated and loved,
And I learned that I deeply and sincerely love and appreciate people for their own unique selves,
I learned how to be comfortable sharing my own authentic unique self.
That and much more is what I learned in the last 27 years, and that is what I will be bringing to my next career.
Wish me luck!
Nancy Ann Moore
Self quarantined artist, illustrator, Mom.